Deep Into The Darkness

Crawling deep into the darkness I found my refuge from the pain,
I was safe under the house while he shouted out my name.
Deeper I would go until my own hand I could not see,
There I would close my eyes and dream of a different me.
When finally it was safe I would sneak out to the light,
And run to my room until my parents came home at night.
Bolting the big locks on my doors to keep the monster out,
Beating on my door while my name he would shout.

It’s not fair that you left me there without you,
And now you think I make up stories that are not true.
When I was feeling low I’d finally give in to his demand,
And let him touch my naked body with his dirty hands.
What other attention was there for me to seek?
I was just a young girl and… weak.

Everything was evil and oh so wrong back then,
How could I tell you when it was such a sin?

Into the storage barn he would take me along with his friend,
And that is when my innocence would end all over again.
Where were you, I wish I had known-
But you put locks on my doors, so something must have shown.

The stolen gifts he would give me and the secrets he would tell,
Sinking me deeper into his darkness, and further into my shell.
I kept seeking his acceptance although I don’t know why.
And back up his stories with lie after lie.
Even your blinded eye saw the anger in him.
But from where did it actually stem.

Was it the spankings with both our pants pulled down?
Naked in front of each other being beaten, tears spilling to the ground.
Had someone done to him what he was doing to me?
How will I ever know the truth and be set free?

Did you ever take the time to tell me you were proud?
Of whom I was becoming or was I just a face in the crowd?
Did you tell me daily that you loved me?
And to dream that there was no limit to what I could be?
No, I was to be seen and not heard.
So my lips never escaped one word.

I resent the way you raised me and blindly think you did so well,
The heritage you gave me has caused my life such hell.
By believing that abuse is what I deserve and none should I tell.
To bad for you because your secrets are out,
Maybe you don’t believe, but with them you hold no clout.
You wonder why I do not come to see you,
Why would I?

Stay behind your cloud of pride,
I know you cannot take a side.
Be there for him and his girl,
She will need you in her world.
There’ll be a day when darkness falls on her,
But this time, remember my words.
He has an evil deep within,
Who knows when with her it will begin.

You cannot save me and nor do I wish you too.
I have a loneliness that is new.
But I like it here without you.